BUZZURRO

• One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it’s called Stallone’s Law).
• If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.
• It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
• Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.
• Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party).
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.
• When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
• Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

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(Via Kottke.)

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