BUZZURRO

• One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (it’s called Stallone’s Law).
• If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.
• It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
• Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.
• Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party).
• The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
• During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
• Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.
• When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
• Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

More here >>

(Via Kottke.)

Today I read Yahoo.com for some news.

Palestinian Security Forces are negotiating for the release of the 3 British hostages that were captured in Gaza yesterday.

Makes sense to me.

“This is part of a new fad of kidnapping for extortion and seeking jobs,” Abu Khoussa said. He would not say whether negotiations were taking place.

What ? Jobseekers kidnap other people to find jobs? Isn’t it a little easier to just fax a resume to several businesses ? Pick up a Help Wanted section of a newspaper ? Go to a job agency perhaps ?

In most cases, the kidnappers have sought jobs in the Palestinian Security Forces, the release of imprisoned relatives or other personal matters. In all cases, the victims have been released safely.

Does it work ? Do people actually get jobs kidnapping other people ? And with the Palestinian Security Forces which is supposed to act like a police force too !

Abbas’ critics have accused him of giving in to kidnappers’ demands, thereby encouraging more abductions.

Sounds like it does work.

You can read the rest of the article here >>

And I’ve been unemployed for so many months in Italy ! Maybe because I stay within the law.

THE Welsh wine industry has been left fuming after apparently being mocked by the Italian Prime Minister.
Mr Berlusconi, who’s believed not to have even tasted the Welsh wine, told reporters this week that Swedish Prime Minister Goran Persson, “was so aghast at the wines at the summit that I promised to send him some of our wines.”
But his comments have not gone down well in Wales, especially at Parva Farm Vineyard, in Tintern near Chepstow, whose Muller-Thurgau and Seyval Blanc wines were chosen to be showcased in Europe.
Colin Dudley, who runs the vineyard with his wife Judith where the wine is from said “There are some Italian wines I think taste great, but the others I’m not so keen on.But if he, (Mr Berlusconi), hasn’t even tried them he’s not really got any business criticising them.”
Read the rest of the article here.

He criticised English wines without tasting them. While one may argue with good reason that Prime Minister Berlusconi likes nothing more than to make diplomatic blunders by putting his foot in his mouth, what he was doing this time was simply using the Italian argument that ‘no food tastes better than Italian food, so why bother tasting any other type ?’ It is rather hypocritical, but they all do it.

Last year I brought an article in to my class about English food, and another about American food and they laughed and laughed and said “Italian food is the best in the world.'’ When I asked “have you tried American or English food?” They all replied “No.” and then they said “But, we’ve been to McDonalds!” as if that is typical American food. They have a lot to learn.

When the founder of Hasidic Judaism, the great Rabbi Israel Shem Tov, saw misfortune threatening the Jews, it was his custom to go into a certain part of the forest to meditate. There he would light a fire, say a special prayer, and the miracle would be accomplished and the misfortune averted.

Later, when his disciple, the celebrated Maggid of Mezritch, had occasion, for the same reason, to intercede with heaven, he would go to the same place in the forest and say: “Master of the Universe, listen ! I do not know how to light the fire, but I am still able to say the prayer,” and again the miracle would be accomplished.

Still later, Rabbi Moshe-leib of Sasov, in order to save his people once more, would go into the forest and say, “I do not know how to light the fire. I do not know the prayer, but I know the place, and this must be sufficient.” It was sufficient, and the miracle was accomplished.

Then it fell to Rabbi Israel of Rizhin to overcome misfortune. Sitting in his armchair, his head in his hands, he spoke to God: “I am unable to light the fire, and I do not know the prayer, and I cannot even find the place in the forest. All I can do is to tell the story, and this must be sufficient.” And it was sufficient.

And you know why ? Because God loves stories.

Yeetgadal v’ yeetkadash sh’mey rabbah
B’almah dee v’rah kheer’utey
v’ yamleekh malkhutei,b’chahyeykhohn, uv’ yohmeykhohn,
uv’chahyei d’chohl beyt yisrael,
ba’agalah u’veez’man kareev, v’eemru: Amein.
(The crowd answers: Amein. Y’hey sh’met rabbah m’varach l’alam u’l'almey almahyah)

Y’hey sh’met rabbah m’varach l’alam u’l'almey almahyah.
Yeet’barakh, v’ yeesh’tabach, v’ yeetpa’ar, v’ yeetrohmam, v’ yeet’nasei,
v’ yeet’hadar, v’ yeet’aleh, v’ yeet’halal sh’mey d’kudshah b’reekh hoo
(The crowd answers: b’reekh hoo).

L’eylah meen kohl beerkhatah v’sheeratah,
toosh’b'chatah v’nechematah, da’ameeran b’al’mah, v’eemru: Amein
(The crowd answers: Amein).

Y’hei shlamah rabbah meen sh’mahyah,v’chahyeem
aleynu v’al kohl yisrael, v’eemru: Amein
(The crowd answers: Amein).

Oseh shalom beem’roh’mahv, hoo ya’aseh shalom,
aleynu v’al kohl yisrael v’eemru: Amein

(The crowd answers: Amein)

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, With Liberty and Justice for all.

June 14, 1954

What have you been doing in the good ole’ USA since I left? A Judge recently ruled that the Pledge of Allegiance was unconstitutional because of one phrase ‘under God’? An Atheist got offended by it. He should try living in Italy where there is a Cross in every building! He would go bonkers!!
The Pledge of Allegiance is said everyday before school starts not to incite atheist children to convert in droves to a religion, but to instill a pride in being American. Please note the last line Mr. Judge: “with liberty and justice FOR ALL”. How many people around the globe would be extremely honored to say those words, yet you rule them as unconstitutional. Why?

Today the UN World Summit is going on. Many important world leaders are at the UN to discuss issues such as world poverty and security, but today, President George Bush wrote a note to Condoleeza Rice asking about a bathroom break and this is what captures the world press’s attention.

Is something wrong here? World poverty. Security. I would think that these are much more important issues to the world then one man’s bladder.

The congressman is William Jefferson, D-La.

A military truck, a helicopter and a half dozen military police were employed for rescuing a laptop, three suitcases and a box.

The details here.